Solutions vs. Empathy: When
a man hears or shares a
problem, he tends to look for a
solution. When a woman hears
or shares a problem, she tends
to look for empathy and

Objective vs. Subjective:
When a man hears information,
he is more likely to interpret it
objectively. When a woman
hears information, she is more
likely to relate the information to
herself personally.

General vs. Specific: When a
man communicates, he's more
likely to be interested in the big
picture. When a woman
communicates, she's more likely
to be interested in the specifics.
I think Dr. John Gray also puts it
this way, "Men are looking for
the headlines, women are
looking for the fine print."

Now, let's look at how we can
apply a better understanding of
these differences to our
communication. N
ext time...

...You might try sharing some of
your feelings as you are also
sharing the
facts. Or you might
be a bit more patient to listen to
her feelings.

...Your wife is sharing a problem
with you, instead of launching  
off into a brainstorming session,
you might instead try to
empathize with her and convey
your understanding.
...You share information with
your wife,
think first about how
she might take it personally. If
she does,
do not discount or
her reaction.

...You are inclined to grunt a
short answer to a question, give
it a bit more thought, and see if
you can
be more specific.

The goal is not for men to
become like women or
vice-versa, but instead, to be
able to better understand and
communicate more effectively
with each other.

I understand that I have barely  
scratched the surface of this
topic. It is my desire that these
BYM one-pagers will encourage
you to seek out more info on
your own. For more on this
topic, please check out,
are from Mars, Women are
from Venus by Dr. John Gray.

Our gender differences reflect
some of the characteristics of
God. God sees the big picture,
and the small details; God has
solutions, and is understanding.

"So God created man in his own
image, in the image of God he
created him: male and female he
created them."
Gen. 1:27   
But brothers, the real key to our
marriage success is having our
universe line up with God's
instructions. So let's seek Him!

Bless your marriage,
Brother Willie Quan
“Men are from Mars,
women are from Venus.”
~ Dr. John Gray
This month's BYM Letter is the
3rd installment of "Seeking to
first to understand".

Sticking with the planetary
analogy, I've once heard it said
that marriage is ripe for conflict
because it's like two universes
colliding. Each person is like its
own universe with it's own
system of orbits, planets, stars,
which can be likened to
patterns, values, and a bunch of
other things--small & large. NO
doubt, things will collide.

To help us minimize both impact
and number of collisions, it's
important to better understand
the other's (our spouses)
universe and how men and
women are different.

The following short list of gender
differences is from a taped
message of Dr. Gary Smalley.  
He estimates these
generalizations to fit about 80%
for each gender.

Fact vs. Feelings: When a
man speaks, he primarily speaks
to share facts (information).
When a women speaks, she
primarily speaks to share
feelings (emotions).
© 2006
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Bless Your Marriage Letters                    Issue 8                                   August  2006
Bless Your Marriage Letters                    Issue 8                                   August  2006